Smile... pass it on :)

“And I keep me in a vacant lot 

In the Ivy and forget-me-nots

Hoping you will come and untangle me one of these days.” 

I don’t get or want it anymore. 

So please, just get out of my head.

A day means nothing, so stomach, stop jumping at the thoughts, brain, stop thinking these feelings are for a reason, these feelings will never be matched. Ever. 

Tumblr, you hear so much of my emo moments. haha 

Okay. Mind is clearish. 

Life would be so much easier for my heart if this wasn’t connected to you.

The soul hurts these days and I don’t understand why, it’s never been this painful to deal with the fact that this isn’t in my cards. My talent for forgetting people is apparently broken right now, I don’t understand what is wrong here. It takes a week, tops, and thought is put into action. But now…it’s taken nearly four months and it only seems to impossible, my one and only talent is failing.

What happened was nothing. And this is what I get. A string being pulled at every time I turn around, by you, who is out. So stop it. 

But, I guess “we’ve all got problems when it comes to the soul.” and apparently this is one I can’t ignore. 

Bollocks. What am I supposed to do? 

The summer song. Broken down.

AF<3 

This is the first night, 
of the rest of our lives. 
I can’t help wonder, 
“How is it we’re still alive?” 

Welcome to the first night of the rest of our lives. 
Oh Yeah, and I said, 
welcome to the first night of the rest of our lives. 

We stayed up all night long, 
laughing, singing in the streets. 

The Clash, Ramones, The Pogues, our voices hoarse, 
our bodies weak and ready for sleep. 
Lean against me, wipe your bloodshot eyes as I wipe mine. 

And from these rooftops, we’ll watch the sun rise. 
Ain’t this the life? Yeah it’s the first night, 
of the rest of our lives. 

I can’t help wonder, 
“How is it we’re still alive?” 
Welcome to the first night of the rest of our lives. 

With just a half tank of gas, 150 miles to go, no cash, no food. 
We turned the engine off, every time that we went down hill 
and it’s on with the show. 

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry? 
All I know is that I am alive, I’m really alive. 
WE heard “You there!” and jumped from the train, 
ran up the tracks, all the while you screaming back, 
“Kiss my ass!” 

We’re living our lives, I’m livin’ and yeah 
and I’m doin’ fine, Oh yeah, oh yeah, I’m doing fine!!!

:) Memories<3 As long as I keep this song playing, they’ll last me a life time. And I don’t plan to share the exact match ups either. 

Also, despite it all, the moon set with a pink & blue back drop and sparkling stage lights sheltered by white with the key to survival was one of the highlights. I don’t even understand why. 

So mix and match.

Tires.

Water bottles.

Sunsets.

Bonfires.

Candles.

Gee.Tar. 

A couch.

A big white van.

Another big white van. 

Grunge wall.

Peppermint gum.

Fans.

…. and so on and so forth. That doesn’t even begin to touch on the first night of the rest of our lives.

I think this did the trick.

Goodnight. 

No idea what I am thinking.

But I am thinking. 

Between Lady Gaga, Roy English, & Adele this brain is spinning.

The wants, the old (own) way, & the suppressed feeling.

Evolving is mistaken for constant change. 

The constant change that people can’t deal with.

The constant change that keeps us going.

Watching this unfold is more than inspiring.

It’s a force that causes growth along side. 

Thats magic.

This isn’t to make sense, just to clear out the thought closet. 

“Fear Love.” 

This is keeping me grounded. 

:) 

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

It is time to ignore reality but keep in check when necessary. 

Time to roll with it more, now that what started it all has come back for a visit. Nothing bad can be said about that. Even if it didn’t come back in the way I wished but it came back either way.

I think this is a first, there is no need to have much hope for it ever happening again, but maybe with a little time hope will be had. 

Two months of question, one month of wonder and flutters, the way events are falling into place is so timely and fantastic. I knew it all meant something.

It is starting to melt away the bad. :) 

Phase one is compete.

-Though I thought this would make me less lonely.

Phase two: move on

-Being silly and thinking it all means something is a waste of emotions.

Phase three: Quit waiting

-I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never have those people in my life.

Phase four: Lets do this

I think its time for me to pick up and go somewhere. Seeing as how everything I own is currently in boxes and I’ve been living out of the same backpack for the past six months as I bounce from place to place, back and forth. 

20 and I’ve barely had a taste of anything.

And I’ll probably still fail to. 

Moment over. 

Either I am really over moving or just want somewhere to snuggle up and feel home. 

Blank.

And loving it. 

Summer 2011, you’re the summer of blossom. And my finest hours. 

:)

Your words now seem to be desperate attempts to ramble poetically like you are known for.

Now it is just feeble attempts at putting words together and trying to make people question something.

You’ve lost your charm. 

The little effort put into living is tiring.

And if so many “wish to be” why is everything so empty?

“Manage me, I’m a mess
Turn a page, I’m a book
Half unread

I wanna be laughed at
Laughed with, just because

I wanna feel weightless
And that should be enough

But I’m stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And I’m over, getting older

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I’m over, getting old

Maybe it’s not my weekend
But it’s gonna be my year
And I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I’ve been going crazy I don’t want to waste another minute here.”

Finding hope in old interests. 

Because I can’t put it better than ATL about how over this I am. 

Because I’m sick and tired of people being sick and tired. Originality isn’t my strong point but at least living is. 

Despite being through hell and back I lack the knack of making every day a wasted one. That there is talent. 

Also, no, I don’t find fun in getting drunk every other night, so fuck off. And yeah, like most humans I too need sleep. That is done keeping me out of the in because I am done with the out.